Funny/ridiculous things doctors say

I’ve been told some hilarious and downright ridiculous things by doctors over the years. Here are some of my favourites;

After being bedbound for 3 months with (what turned out to be lyme disease), when I could barely walk or even sit up in a chair, a doctor told me I had a cold and that it sometimes takes a while to get your energy back, especially when you have a prolonged cough. “I don’t have a cough, I’ve not ever had a cough with this” I said. “Oh well, maybe when you have hayfever then it can take a while to recover..” “I don’t have hayfever and it’s the winter right now… since when does anyone have hayfever in Dec/Jan/February? I said. I then gave up and left.

At another doctors visit I explained I was so sick I was in bed 23 and a half hours a day, he dismissed me entirely as having anything wrong with me. When I mentioned ‘I just want to go back to work’ he suddenly looked shocked and said ‘You’re not well enough to work?!’ Er no, I’m in bed 23.5 hours a day, what kind of work do you think I do?! 

When I had hoo-ha problems after courses of anti biotics a few years ago, I went to the GUM clinic and was told I was ‘too clean’ and should stop shoving soap up there. I calmly explained I did no such thing and there was nothing I was doing that would explain the imbalance of bacteria, I did mention the anti biotics, but the doctor didn’t see the connection. It took months of googling to find out for myself that all I needed was some pro biotics from the health food shop. Months of pain and suffering and all the doctor needed to say was ‘you have a bacterial inbalance from the anti biotics, take some probiotics’.

When I was 17/18 I had Seasonal Affective Disorder, before I realised this (for myself) I got very depressed and sometimes suicidal each winter. I went to the doctors looking for help, preferably counselling or even anti depressants as a stop-gap measure and one doctor told me I needed to snap out of it, and that of course I was depressed if I just slept all day and didn’t go out. Another one told me it was my ‘lifestyle’ that was to blame, referring to my sexuality. I stopped going after that. It was only after a suicide attempt, months of forced anti depressants (that didn’t help) that I realised myself it was S.A.D. My mum bought me a lightbox and suddenly I could just about scrape through the winters.

I’m not angry anymore, I just think it’s bizarre that these people managed to get through medical school, maybe they have good book knowledge but they clearly are not up to scratch on the people and listening skills. Is that part of the medicine exams? If not, why not?!

All this being said, I’ve also had some fantastic doctors, but they don’t make for funny stories!

Have you been told anything similar by slightly less on-the-ball health professionals? I’d love to hear your experiences! :D

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11 Responses to Funny/ridiculous things doctors say

  1. Lymed Out says:

    yes. I was told that because I’m a mom, that I need to put my feet up and take some cymbalta as life can be stressful.

  2. moxyjen says:

    Conversion disorder…I want to go back in time and give Sigmund Fraud a swift kick where it counts for all the trouble he’s caused people with rare conditions.

    • decimawho says:

      I just googled conversion disorder! It sounds like another term for ‘psychosomatic’ i.e ‘making it up’. What a load of crap.

      I don’t really understand, sure label someone as crazy or making it up once ALL physical tests have been tried, but until then, if they’re saying it’s physical, then it’s physical! Doctors can be way too quick to give up and label someone as a hypochondriac or whatever. It’s just laziness.

      Thank god for the few doctors who just keep going!

  3. My favorite is from my son’s pediatrician when he was a pre-schooler and way over-energetic, rather than offering any suggestions – he looks me in the eye and says “good luck”. Yeah, that helped. :)

    • decimawho says:

      hahahaha. But then I say that to parents of babies who are obviously going to turn into ‘over energetic’ children. I’ve struck fear into the hearts of many new parents like that. :D

  4. Ella says:

    When you tell a dr youve been feeling something for a month or two and tried things yourself before going to see them and they say ” see how it is in a week and then come back if its no better”
    or they just dont listen to you at all.

    or assume because your younge youve had a million partners in the past year and ask you 3 or 4 times if youve changed partners in the last year.

    • decimawho says:

      Yes! The ‘see how it goes’ is basically code for ‘I don’t know and don’t want to deal with it right now’. I’d understand if you really are going in the first week or two of a new illness, but after x amount of months it’s not going to just magically vanish by itself, is it!

  5. After going to the ER for a seizure, the nurse told me to go home and eat more bananas. She decided my potassium was low and that was was causing the jerking. Hello! Bananas????!!!! lol!

  6. The cartoon is hilarious! Before my thyroid condition was diagnosed one physician was so convinced I was depressed that he sent me home with a copy of the Beck inventory for depression. As you state in your post, what’s with the listening impairment? Great post.

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